Stuck In The Middle

I've been lost in self-contemplation a lot lately. Probably why there hasn't been a new blog post.

And what I've been lost in my own mind about is nothing unique or new. It is common with many parents.

I'm stuck in the middle of wanting to stay home with my children and wanting to have a career of my own.

Many of you have been around for the whole time (and before) I have been a parent, but here's a bit of a backstory for anyone who hasn't known me that long. I stopped working while I was pregnant with my son. I didn't quit because of the pregnancy, but being pregnant gave me a good reason to get out of a job that was causing me more stress than it was worth. After I had my son, I jumped on an incredible sign up bonus for a direct sales company and thought that was going to be a great source of income for our family. While I brought in a bit of money, it just wasn't the best fit for me and is something I have come to regret over the past few years. I walked away from that business and said never again. Well, never again turned into "I'll give this a try" a few months later with another direct sales company. I had a lot of success with this one, but felt my time was up with it and decided to walk away after having my daughter last year. It's a decision I still struggle with because I will always question what kind of success I could have had if I just stuck with it.

So, here I sit questioning my choices again. Should I go back to work and help bring money into our household while the children go to a daycare and learn from someone other than me? Should I stay home and raise them to be the kind of people I want them to be? Should I find something in the middle where I can work, but yet still be home with my children?

The problem is there is no easy answer. While it may be an easy answer for some to return to work or to just stay home, my mind doesn't work that way. I can sit and make a list of the pros and cons of every choice I have and still won't be able to come to a clear choice.

So I sit and wonder what I should be doing daily....

And before you say it, I know this dilemma is why many people turn to direct sales businesses. The opportunity is there to stay home with their children and still contribute to household income.  I get it; I really do, but I know that just isn't the path for me.

And I know I have some pretty good  options out there; I'm just really trying to find the best one for me.

I'm curious to hear other thoughts and opinions about this struggle because I know I'm not the only one going through this phase right now....