I really need to get more consistent about posting.
But I have a good reason for not posting for a while. I haven't known how to write out what I want to say. I have also taken a break as to give myself time to process some situations that have happened recently so that I don't have to hash out the whole story here.
I sat in my house and cried last weekend. I waited until the kids were in bed and my husband was asleep and I cried. My husband woke up, rubbed my back, and let me have a good cry. He didn't ask questions and I was thankful for that. It was good to get a nice cry in, but it also made me realize a couple things.
I haven't been finding joy in my day to day life for a while. And I think that is normal for most stay at home moms. I mean, where is the joy in folding laundry, changing diapers, doing dishes, etc, right?
It doesn't help that I still don't feel like I know anyone here. I mean, I go to a mom's group twice a month and love the women at my table, but beyond that I feel alone. Really alone.
As you may or may not know, my family moves every few years. It's just part of what we have to do and it makes meeting people hard to begin with. I have never felt that it was as hard to meet people as I feel it is where we currently are.
And it's weird because I'm not alone at all. We don't live out in the country without neighbors (even if sometimes I wish we did). We live in a good sized town with a TON of activities.
And I've had a million excuses of why I can't go to those activities for MONTHS. The weather is yucky, the kids have a runny nose, I have a headache, etc. I could seriously type this list for about an hour and just barely scratch the surface.
The more and more I have thought about the fact that I feel alone, the more and more I have realized that I put myself here by hoping someone would come and fix everything for me. I was just waiting for someone to call and invite me to dinner or paint nite or the gym.
But that's not how it works. First of all, people probably don't even know that I want to go to dinner or have a playdate at the park because I don't say anything about it.
And, it's nobody's responsibility to make sure that I am happy. Yes, my husband and my children should do their best to make me happy and help out when needed, but ultimately, it is up to me to find the joy in my own life. No one can do that for me!
I was also reminded this week that things can change in an instant. We had a small incident with some of our neighbors that has left a bitter taste in my mouth and probably will for a long time. (I'm not going to get into it here because it really isn't everyone's business.) And as much as I hate this situation, I love what has come of it.
This situation has caused me to really spend more time with my children. I mean, I am around them all day, but now that I feel like I HAVE to be outside when my son is playing, I feel like I get to enjoy my time with him a little bit more. And I know this situation will force us to do more things outside the house come summer, which I am super thankful for!
Ultimately, though, I have to force myself to get out of my comfort box. We may not know how many years we will spend in this area, but that isn't any reason for me to just sit at home waiting for the next big thing. I'm going to get out there, meet people, and start enjoying life again.
So, if we are friends on social media, be prepared for me to start flooding your news feed with pictures of our family enjoying things (or not because sometimes I forget to take pictures).
And to everyone, stop reading this blog and go out and do something you love. Pick up a book, video chat with your best friend, or plan an activity out of the house. Do something that will bring you joy!
But I have a good reason for not posting for a while. I haven't known how to write out what I want to say. I have also taken a break as to give myself time to process some situations that have happened recently so that I don't have to hash out the whole story here.
I sat in my house and cried last weekend. I waited until the kids were in bed and my husband was asleep and I cried. My husband woke up, rubbed my back, and let me have a good cry. He didn't ask questions and I was thankful for that. It was good to get a nice cry in, but it also made me realize a couple things.
I haven't been finding joy in my day to day life for a while. And I think that is normal for most stay at home moms. I mean, where is the joy in folding laundry, changing diapers, doing dishes, etc, right?
It doesn't help that I still don't feel like I know anyone here. I mean, I go to a mom's group twice a month and love the women at my table, but beyond that I feel alone. Really alone.
As you may or may not know, my family moves every few years. It's just part of what we have to do and it makes meeting people hard to begin with. I have never felt that it was as hard to meet people as I feel it is where we currently are.
And it's weird because I'm not alone at all. We don't live out in the country without neighbors (even if sometimes I wish we did). We live in a good sized town with a TON of activities.
And I've had a million excuses of why I can't go to those activities for MONTHS. The weather is yucky, the kids have a runny nose, I have a headache, etc. I could seriously type this list for about an hour and just barely scratch the surface.
The more and more I have thought about the fact that I feel alone, the more and more I have realized that I put myself here by hoping someone would come and fix everything for me. I was just waiting for someone to call and invite me to dinner or paint nite or the gym.
But that's not how it works. First of all, people probably don't even know that I want to go to dinner or have a playdate at the park because I don't say anything about it.
And, it's nobody's responsibility to make sure that I am happy. Yes, my husband and my children should do their best to make me happy and help out when needed, but ultimately, it is up to me to find the joy in my own life. No one can do that for me!
I was also reminded this week that things can change in an instant. We had a small incident with some of our neighbors that has left a bitter taste in my mouth and probably will for a long time. (I'm not going to get into it here because it really isn't everyone's business.) And as much as I hate this situation, I love what has come of it.
This situation has caused me to really spend more time with my children. I mean, I am around them all day, but now that I feel like I HAVE to be outside when my son is playing, I feel like I get to enjoy my time with him a little bit more. And I know this situation will force us to do more things outside the house come summer, which I am super thankful for!
Ultimately, though, I have to force myself to get out of my comfort box. We may not know how many years we will spend in this area, but that isn't any reason for me to just sit at home waiting for the next big thing. I'm going to get out there, meet people, and start enjoying life again.
So, if we are friends on social media, be prepared for me to start flooding your news feed with pictures of our family enjoying things (or not because sometimes I forget to take pictures).
And to everyone, stop reading this blog and go out and do something you love. Pick up a book, video chat with your best friend, or plan an activity out of the house. Do something that will bring you joy!
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